The Secret to Changing Minds at Work? Listen Smarter
Why This Matters Now
In the workplace, few challenges are more frustrating than trying to change someone’s mind, especially when the stakes are high. Whether it’s getting buy-in for a new initiative, aligning global and local teams, or navigating generational differences, we often default to pushing harder or presenting more data.
But here’s the paradox: the more we try to convince, the less people tend to listen. A 2024 study by psychologist Xanni Brown (The Simple Trick to Change Other People’s Minds) revealed a striking gap in perception. While 72% of people thought the other person in a disagreement was trying to argue, most people were actually seeking mutual understanding.
“The more we try to convince, the less people tend to listen.”
That disconnect isn’t just theoretical - it plays out every day in global teams, especially in Japan, where maintaining harmony is deeply valued, and open disagreement can feel culturally uncomfortable. Misunderstandings go unspoken. Assumptions calcify. And collaboration suffers.
What if we stopped seeing disagreement as something to win - and instead, viewed it as a doorway to trust, alignment, and growth?
The Workplace Mindset Trap
In many organizations, especially in Japan, there’s an unspoken rule: don’t rock the boat. Conflict is seen as disruptive. But while this mindset helps preserve harmony in the short term, it can silently damage long-term effectiveness.
I often work with managers who know something feels "off" in their team, but they don’t feel comfortable bringing it up. Or they suspect that their ideas are being ignored at the regional or global level but hesitate to raise concerns.
The result? Resentment builds. Misalignment deepens. And opportunities are lost.
The challenge for today’s leaders isn’t just about making the right decision; it’s about bringing others along. That requires emotional intelligence, the ability to navigate complexity, and an understanding that true influence begins with how we communicate, not just what we say.
Three Shifts That Actually Change Minds
Let’s walk through three mindset shifts that are both backed by research and proven in practice. Each one has the power to transform difficult conversations into moments of connection, alignment, and forward movement.
1. Be Curious, Not Correct
When we feel strongly about an issue, we tend to double down on our logic. We prepare data. We rehearse our argument. But this often makes the other person dig in even deeper.
Real influence starts with genuine curiosity. Harvard negotiation expert William Ury reminds us, "The most powerful communication tool is not speaking, but listening."
Try this:
In your next tense meeting, take a deep breath and then ask: "Can you help me understand how you're seeing this?" Then actually listen - without interrupting, correcting, or preparing your counter.
2. Share Experience, Not Just Logic
People rarely change their minds because of bullet points. They change when they feel something.
Personal stories and lived experiences are more memorable, relatable, and persuasive than data alone. This is called the "narrative transportation" effect in psychology: the idea that we’re more open to new perspectives when we’re emotionally engaged.
Try this:
Instead of saying, "The numbers show this won't work in Japan," try, "Let me share what happened when we tried something similar last year…"
3. Civility Isn’t Soft - It’s Smart
There’s a myth that being direct means being confrontational. But psychological safety expert Amy Edmondson shows that respect and candor can coexist; and when they do, teams thrive.
Being civil doesn't mean avoiding hard truths. It means delivering them in a way that keeps the relationship intact.
Try this:
Use phrases like "Let’s figure this out together" or "What could we try as a first step?" to keep the tone collaborative.
Real-World Workplace Examples
The Japan Business Unit Head and Global HQ
A Japanese BU head confided in me: "They don’t get Japan. Global strategy is out of touch with our reality." He had spent weeks crafting a 50-slide presentation to explain why their assumptions were flawed.
When I asked what he hoped to achieve, he said, "I want them to stop telling us what to do."
We reframed the goal. Instead of trying to convince HQ, what if he tried to understand their assumptions? In the next meeting, he led with: "Can you walk me through what success looks like from your side?"
That single question changed the tone. They co-created a hybrid plan that respected both global goals and local constraints.
The Friday 6pm Meetings
In a Japanese team I coached, there was unspoken tension around the 6pm Friday meetings. No one wanted to stay late - but no one spoke up.
During a team workshop, we created a safe space for feedback. One team member quietly shared, "Friday meetings make me feel like work never ends."
The manager, genuinely shocked, replied, "I thought I was helping by giving people uninterrupted time earlier in the week."
They rescheduled the meetings to mid-week. The impact? Higher engagement and improved team morale.
These moments show us that misalignment isn't always a matter of conflict. Sometimes it's a matter of missed understanding.
Try This Tomorrow: The 3-Minute Reframe
Next time you feel the tension rising, pause and reframe your approach with these three steps:
Start with Curiosity
"What are you hoping to achieve with this approach?"Share Your Experience
"Here’s what I’ve seen in similar situations..."Frame as a Shared Challenge
"What can we try together as a next step?"
The Bigger Picture for Leaders in Japan
In Japan, where indirectness is often the norm and hierarchy shapes dialogue, it’s easy for leaders to misread silence as agreement. But silence can mean discomfort, misalignment, or fear of conflict.
As a leader, your job is to create conditions where people feel safe to speak up. You don’t need to abandon harmony: you need to redefine it.
“Think of harmony not as avoiding conflict, but as resolving tension through shared understanding.”
Final Thought
Influence isn’t about being the loudest voice or having the final word. It’s about creating moments where people feel heard, respected, and ready to move forward together.
So if you want to change minds at work - start by listening differently.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Karin Wellbrock is a leadership coach and organizational consultant based in Tokyo. She helps leaders and teams navigate change, grow together, and build workplaces where people thrive. Connect with her to explore how coaching, assessment, and strategic dialogue can unlock performance and elevate leadership across cultures.
Sources: Xanni Brown, PhD: “The Simple Trick to Change Other People’s Minds” (2024). William Ury: Getting to Yes. Amy Edmondson, PhD: The Fearless Organization. Narrative Transportation Theory – Psychological concept that stories are more persuasive than data by immersing listeners emotionally (Green & Brock, 2000).